Momma and the Meaning of Life by Irvin D. Yalom

Author:Irvin D. Yalom [Yalom, Irvin D.]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Psychotherapy, Psychotherapist and patient
ISBN: 9780749927486
Google: V2zoAAAACAAJ
Publisher: Piatkus Books
Published: 2006-11-15T05:00:00+00:00

surrounding and following her husband's death:

"How will you learn of his death?

"Will you be with him when he dies?

"What will you feel?

"Whom will you call?"

And in the same way she and I rehearsed his funeral. I told her that I would attend the funeral and that if her friends would not linger with her at the graveside, I would be sure to do so. If others were too frightened to hear her macabre thoughts, I would encourage her to speak them to me. I tried to take the terror out of her nightmares.

Whenever she moved into irrational realms, I could be counted on to confront her. Consider, for example, her guilt for enjoying herself with another man. She considered any life enjoyment a betrayal of Jack. If she went with a man to a beach or a restaurant she and Jack had once visited, she felt she was betraying him by violating the specialness of their love. On the other hand, going to a brand-new spot elicited survivor guilt: "Why should I be alive and enjoying new experiences when Jack is dead?" She also felt guilty for not having been a good-enough wife. As a result of psychotherapy, she underwent many changes: she became softer, more considerate and affectionate. "How unfair to Jack," she said, "that I should be able to give more of myself to another man than to him."

Again and again, I challenged such statements. "Where is Jack now?" I asked. She always answered, "Nowhere—except in memory"—in her memory and in the memory of others. She had no religious beliefs and never posited the persistence of consciousness, or any other form of afterlife. So I pestered her with reason: "If he is not sentient and does not observe your actions, how then can he be hurt by your being with another man? Besides, I reminded her, Jack had, before he died, explicitly expressed his wishes for her to be happy and to remarry. "Would he want you, and his daughter, to drown in sorrow? So, even if his consciousness did still exist, he would not feel betrayed; he'd be pleased by your recovery." And either way, I'd wind up, no matter whether

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